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Kids are pretty universal right? They all like cartoons, sweets and driving their moms and dads crazy. But are American kids really any different than the English? Ever seen Toddlers and Tiara’s, Gawd I hope that’s not what people think American kids are like! According to this article in the WSJ French children sit for hours at the dinner table and don’t throw tantrums—that’s definitely not what American children are like. So I thought we could compare notes. I’ve compiled a list of 10 things about my kids that may or may not deem them American.

1. They get time-outs. Time-outs seem to be the American standard for “hands-off” punishment i.e no spanking or swatting. A lot of us have paired a concept called 1-2-3 Magic with a time-out. It goes something like this: child runs amok when you’re trying to get them to take a bath, parent counts to three and then gives child time out. It works for the most part, but I often find myself really dragging out the 2 as if I’m dreading having to follow through with the time-out itself. Regardless this seems to be the disciplinary method of choice ‘round these parts.

2. They wear silly bands. Silly bands are the slap bracelets (did you have those back in the 80′s?) of our children’s generation. Last summer Fritz and I were each wearing an arm load. They come in every shape from ice cream cones to Spiderman. The fad is waning but Lola just discovered a bunch at the bottom of the toy bin and is proudly wearing them to the playground.

3. They love Monster trucks. Monster trucks are classic Americana. I know way too much about them having watched a documentary Fritz was obsessed with no less than 100 times. Although its origins are in middle America, much like NASCAR, a show called Monster Jam tours the US from Cali to NYC. Outrageous trucks called Grave Digger, El Toro and Nitro crush rows of cars, make raucous noise and kick up dust in huge arenas with fathers and sons cheering on. Little boys LOVE monster trucks. And on a side note girls seem to love Disney princesses but Lola kinda follows Fritz’s lead so this house has been Disney princess free so far.

4. They sleep in our beds. This is a very personal decision, but it seems like most families go through at least some period of kids sleeping in parents beds. We’ve struggled with Fritz coming into our bed in the night since he was able to leave his bed and sneak in between us. We have it semi-under control and allow him sleep with us on weekends. Is this customary in England?

5. Everyone loves Spongebob (even parents). Spongebob is global right? Like the Simpsons or Family Guy. Spongebob mania is going on, oh I’d say, year 7 here. Lola has Spongbob bedding, Fritz has an amazing Spongebob puffer jacket and I’m dying to get them this killer Spongebob aquarium. My Dad recently told me Spongbob was making kids wacky and giving the seizures or something. Not us! We just giggle a lot.

6. They suck at going out to eat. We’ve all but forgone going out to eat. It’s nothing short of dinning with Satan’s minions in the depths of hell, and anyone unfortunate enough to be dining within a 4 table radius will feel the wrath. Every once and a while we appear to have forgotten the previous experience and say ” Hey, let’s go out. We need to do so something different.” And every time, with out fail, there we are with glasses of water being spilled, food being flung about and the obligatory threatening to eat. Never more, we say, never more.

7. They have too many toys. I was told by my German mother-in-law in a heated argument (about us, not the kids) that my kids have too many toys. At the moment I held back every ounce of my being not to tell her that she clearly had a shopping addiction and had wayyyyy to many clothes, most jammed into her closet with the tags still on, but I refrained. But in actuality when I’m cleaning up the little knick-knacks strewn about I do think they may have too many toys. I mean it’s not the big things like doll houses, electric cars, toy kitchens and shit like that (which they have none), it’s just a cumulative amount of stray pieces, toy cars, Legos and doll parts. I’ll admit it, I have a hard time tossing the stuff. Our kids don’t get things everyday and I on the spoil-o-meter I think there somewhere between green and yellow. But we could stand for a ruthless editing of the mounting loose puzzle pieces, random blocks and discarded Barbie shoes, brushes and wands.

8. They are culturally aware. Cultural enrichment and diversity is a priority in raising my kids. This is why I love in New York and its why I’ve chosen to raise them in this brilliant and beautiful city. I feel blessed to have the ability to take the kids to the Museum of Modern Art or a luscious botanical garden on any given day. Minutes away we an be taking photographs at a Graffiti Hall of Fame or enjoying a ferry ride in the East River. We travel from neighborhood to neighborhood experiencing ethnic diversity of every kind. We dine on Arroz con Pollo, authentic Dim Sum and my husbands native German cuisine when ever we feel like it (to-go of course!)

9. They don’t listen. As I write this I’ve told my son to go brush his teeth no less than 5 or 6 times. Yes, I realize that this is when a time out would apply but I’m writing this post and instead of taking action. I’m letting him sit there in a heap disobeying me. It’s an everyday struggle. Okay I tried it, I just said 1…still nothing. I just said 2….now he’s writhing on the ground. “Okay I’m almost at 3,” I say…still nothing. “Okay that’s it, 3!” I did it and now he’s on a time out. The point is, they don’t listen!! Arrrrggggggg!

10. They’re cute. Some American kids are cute. But mine, mine are really cute. Maybe cuter than any other kids in the whole wide world. Do you guys feel that way about you’re kids, or is that an American thing?

XOXOX,
The Hipster Mom